Life

“Just be yourself.”
Worst fucking advice I ever got.
My face gets puffy and swollen when I cry because obviously Im allergic to emotion.
The library doesn’t have a dress-code but I suspect they will by tomorrow
I was destined for greatness but my alarm didn't go off.
If Facebook has taught me anything it’s that there is a reason we lose touch with people
For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar
It’s called Karma.

And it’s pronounced ‘Ha ha fuck you”.
Remember being a kid and thinking grownups had their shit together and knew what they were doing? LMFAO
I was not made to be subtle...
They call it damaged.

I call it otherwise educated.
It's a beer can, not a beer can't.
I may not react when someone kicks me when I’m down but I also don’t forget.
Make people think you've been chopping onions by thinking about your life.
I may not be perfect but at least I’m humble and ruggedly handsome
Sometimes I forget I was raised by wolves.
I was born. Then it was all downhill from there.
Women in their 20s are so cute the way they think they’re fat but in actuality they’ll never be this thin again
You’re entitled to your wrong opinion.
Adulthood seems to be above my skill level
[Message from stranger]

DM: What state do you live in?

Me: Denial.
If I’m going to hell, I plan to get there my way.
Just relax, you're definitely going to fail. Your real task is to minimize the number of witnesses.
I know people say they don’t like being an adult, but like when I say it I really, really mean it
I didn’t say I was mature, I said I was old
It’s funny how i give advice to some people when i can’t even fix myself.
I’ve made most of my major life decisions using a magic 8-ball and it shows
We don't know for sure that the world doesn't revolve around me.
Having a little break from crippling anxiety to focus on uncontrollable rage today. Mixing it up a bit. Keeping it fresh for myself.
My superpower is fucking shit up without even trying.
Whoever has my voodoo doll, keep it up, I like it rough.
Happy to report my life has been upgraded from “Disaster Zone” to “Recovery Disaster Zone”.