Hey...I bought you a $5 bouquet of flowers from the gas station, are you gonna put out or what?
I try to keep my sexiness to a level where I can still talk to you common people
The dress you’re wearing would look much better on the floor
My pussy is way too pink and pretty for manual labor.
Today in my sex addiction class we talked about abstaining from sex. It was the first time no one came
The best sex is when I think there’s a good chance I might be killed.
I don't have sex in the bedroom, I perform
She keeps my heart happy and my mind filthy
My girlfriend told me she enjoys the little things in life.

That’s a relief.
I once taught someone the meaning of friendship in a Burger King bathroom.
Bras look uncomfortable, why don’t you just let me hang out and hold your boobs up instead?
Show him mercy, don’t break him too fast.
Reverse cowgirl so i can have my coffee too